Driving down the familiar brick main road in my dads hometown I am already dreaming of my Grandmother's Kolaches. It’s a drive we have made countless times, but I always get excited once we reach the gas station that marks my dad’s small rural hometown. I always get excited when we finally pull up to my grandparents' house because I know that my grandma will be waiting with Kolaches and a hug. I would always immediately look at my grandma's beautiful garden that she would tend to constantly, my favorite was always the irises she grew. Once I was done looking at the garden we would head inside, and I would immediately recognize the smell of kolaches. There would be endless choices for the flavors of kolaches, and everyone had their favorite flavor. My dad solely eats the poppy seed kolaches, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him eat any other flavor. For me, I prefer peach especially when we bring fresh palisade peaches with us for my grandma to use. My grandma always makes them perfectly, they are subtly sweet, with golden edges and soft centers of fruit jam. 

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     Kolaches are an age-old tradition for any type of gathering in my family. My grandma and her sisters always make Kolaches for nearly every family gathering we have. Whether we were getting together for the annual county fair, celebrating a wedding or even funerals we always have had a plethora of Kolaches. If there is ever an event that does not include them everyone is asking questions and wondering why they are missing. Kolaches transport me back to my childhood and the simplicity of life before I grew up. For my family the tradition started from my great grandma who was a first generation American after her family immigrated to the United States from what was then Czechoslovakia. Kolaches are a staple Czech dessert that is one my family has carried on through generations. The recipe and tradition of making large batches of kolaches has been passed down throughout all of my dad's extended family. 

 

     My dad has told me stories of how he would spend so much time at his grandparent's farm when he was young. I never got to meet my great grandparents, but I’ve heard many stories that make me miss them even though I never knew them. My great grandparents owned over 100 acres of land with a small but cozy house that my dad spent all of his summers before college in. Me and my brother always loved going to the farm when we were young because unlike our cousins, we group up in the Denver suburbs. Whenever we visited, we were usually joined by cousins and extended family and without fail, we’d all gather around for kolaches. We used to eat so many that we’d make ourselves sick. Everyone had a favorite flavor, and we’d jokingly fight over who got the last one. Those were some of the happiest and most carefree moments of my childhood. Me and my brother often felt out of place with our cousins because our upbringing was so different from our cousins but being on that farm and with our kolaches we felt like we fit in. Kolaches helped bridge our differences, it was what connected us all. Kolaches brought us together over and over again throughout our childhood. 

 

     When I became a vegetarian at 13, I often felt left out of the foods in my dad's hometown because there are not many vegetarian options but being able to still share kolaches with my family made me feel like I could still be included. I remember when I was vegan for a couple of years that I wasn’t sad about missing out on foods until I realized I couldn’t eat my grandmas kolaches. I never realized how much I appreciated my grandmas kolaches until I couldn’t, I quickly went back to being just a vegetarian so I could enjoy them with my family.

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     I never realized how much I would miss having my grandmas kolaches until she could no longer make them. She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2022. Through her cancer journey she slowly deteriorated until she couldn’t do anything independently. The last time I had one of the kolaches my grandma made was in 2023, at the time I didn’t realize it would be the last.  It was such a simple thing that I took for granted and never realized how much I would miss. She lost her ability to make kolaches in 2023 and I didn’t realize at the time that I would never have one of her kolaches again. She passed in the end of 2024 a week after Christmas. What made the loss even harder is knowing that I never asked her to teach me how to make her kolaches and was never around enough to learn. I was always busy with my own life and didn’t prioritize spending time with her because I didn’t think that our time together would be so short. When my grandma was going through her cancer journey, I was also going through the start of my own medical problems including losing my ability to eat and becoming tube fed. During what turned out to be the last time I had one of her kolaches, I could barely enjoy it. Eating caused me so many symptoms that I didn’t even finish it. I wish I had found a way to push through and truly savor that moment, because now I know it was the last time I’d ever taste something made by her hands. I often feel guilty that I never learned because I won’t be able to pass down that memory to my own children. I never realized that my illness would not only take away my ability to eat but also the last piece of my grandma that I had. 

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     I remember at her funeral the mixed feelings I had seeing kolaches on the table at her house but knowing that she wasn’t there. It felt wrong to be in her house knowing that I’d never see her in her chair or in the kitchen making kolaches. We had a kolaches after her funeral that her sister made. It felt so odd to be having kolaches knowing the reason for us being together and eating them. I realized then that life without her would be even more different than I thought. It made me think about all of the small things that I would miss doing with her. I remember seeing her garden being neglected and the lack of flowers, I had never seen her garden look like that. 

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     If I could go back in time, I would cherish the times that created some of my fondest memories. I had never thought deeply about the importance of food and how it can bring people together until I could feel the separations forming in my family after my grandmas passing. Kolaches were something that to someone else would seem so insignificant but to me they mean everything. I never got to learn how to make kolaches from my grandma but since her passing me and my parents have grown closer to her younger sister who I have persuaded to teach me how to make kolaches. I am cherishing the time I have with my grandma's sister and attempting to make the effort with her that I neglected with my grandma. I am determined to learn her kolache recipe so I can pass it down to my own children and give them that part of my childhood. One day, I hope to make kolaches for my own children to pass down a piece of where they come from, and a piece of the woman who taught us all what it means to be a family.